Log No: 012
On the 21st of July 1969 at 0256 GMT the legendary Neil Armstrong became the first man to step foot on the moon. As he placed his foot on the lunar surface he declared: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Famously he missed out the ‘a’ between ‘for’ and ‘man’ which given the humongous amount of pressure he was under is totally understandable, I mean the dude had just flown to the moon in a rocket powered bacofoil tent so fair play! Now I’m not saying that everything I do and say is absolutely perfect but what I don’t understand is First Officer Evans and his daily ability to misquote everything! FO Evans claims to be a fan of classic Film and literature and tries to overcompensate with quotes and impressions at every opportunity, unfortunately they are usually wrong and often make zero sense although some are quite funny! Here is a list of some of his worst offences:
1) To a rogue Iqualforian Captain about to fire on us – Go ahead, make my week.
2) To the Captain – Always forgive your enemies, no one enjoys them so much.
3) To a Greejuin trader last year – I’m gonna make him a bid he can’t refuse.
4) When asked to identify himself on Greejuis – I’m a King of the World!
5) To Harry the ships old plumber who fixed his toilet – You’re a wizard mate.
6) When talking about the Starship Remus and its reverse set warp layout – Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it must be good at physics or something.
7) When falsely arrested for smuggling – I am no bird, and no net ensnares me. I am a free human being with a dependency.
8) Talking about the time he slapped a Draagxun Guard in a bar brawl – When you’re brave but you still do it anyway, that’s scared.
9) When we were asked to leave Forzean space the first time – You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? (The Forzean reply was “We’re talking to Captain Thompson actually”)
10) When confronted with a strange hag type woman on Greejuis – Boyo, I don’t reckon we’re in Kansas any more!
Thanks for reading, Private Jack Fast.